The Hubris Herald
Updated: Jun 5, 2019
Graduate of Berkley Feminist Business Leadership Institute to start business with only human resources department
But worries about shortage of white males to target for grievances
by Gabrielle Levi Hartman
Female equality and power are finding their places in the workplace and Jill Paperclip could not be more proud. Heiress to the Paperclip family fortune and notorious party-girl, Jill has decided to make something more of her life by trading bricks of cocaine for brick and mortar. As a fresh graduate of Berkley’s prestigious Feminist Business Leadership Institute, Jill plans to use her trust fund to create a company that supports the workingwoman.
Despite her busy schedule, our team was lucky enough to score an interview with the promising businesswoman. According to Jill, the desire to use women empowerment as the foundation for a budding business came to her while taking the course Stealing the Pen from the Penis. “Before my Penis course,” Jill begins, “I never realized just how much men dominate the American workforce, and how unfairly women are treated. The #MeToo movement is so powerful, and although Harvey Weinstein is a good friend of Daddy’s, I don’t want anything to do with the idea that women can be taken advantage of in a working environment.”
Her company, which she claims is going to change the scope of business as we know it, is set to launch in a month. We asked Jill to tell us more about her business, to which she replied, “Like, I went to Berkeley, so let me know if this goes over your head. I want to build a business that women, although women, and because women.” Riveting.
Jill admits that she has no clue what her product or service is going to be, but she knows one thing for sure: She will only be hiring an HR team and nothing else. “It’s brilliant, I know. This way, there is no potential for women to be harassed, burned, or treated unfairly. Everyone will be in HR! What could possibly go wrong?”