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Postmodern "Mona Lisa's Vagina" painting to replace DaVinci portrait at the Louvre

"Art needs to reflect the modern age, so the classics need a deconstructionist update," says queer artist Pierre LaFlaire.

Michele M. F. / Flickr

“When I look at my paintings, I see a mirror of the present to its simultaneous progression and madness. To history, I say va te faire foutre for oppressing my people for centuries. Now is our time to sparkle,” Pierre LaFlaire, French painter and icon of the LGBTQI+ community revealed to The Hubris Herald in an exclusive interview.

The subject of the sit-down was LaFlaire’s avant-garde masterpieces. His specialty is what he calls “deconstructing the classics,” and he has made a name for himself with his contemporary re-imaginations of famous paintings of ages past, such as “The Re-Birth of Venus,” which features a trans-woman emerging a-new from a seashell and “The 2016 Scream,” a testament to the modern horrors of the Trump administration.

His most successful painting, however, is his minimalist abstract acrylic “Mona Lisa’s Vagina,” which celebrates our culture’s revelation of the superiority of women and champions the discoveries of feminist science.

After the Postmodern Expression of Neo-Art Society ushered the work of art into their world-renowned living classics hall of fame and accusations coincidentally arose from an anonymous source accusing Leonardo DaVinci of molesting their great-great-great-great-great-great aunt’s cousin’s co-worker, it was decided that LaFlaire’s piece would take the place of the original “Mona Lisa” portrait’s featured spot at the Louvre Museum in Paris.

“Our current advanced scientific age has enlightened us to the knowledge that the vagina is the most important part of the woman, and my passion for painting expresses that melding of the art and the science into a beautiful, shimmering reflection on our society as a whole,” LaFlaire commented on the inspiration behind the piece.

“Mona Lisa’s Vagina” will be unveiled at the Louvre next month, and LaFlaire is already planning a “twerking rave after-party” on the grounds of the Eiffel Tower to celebrate following the official release. More details to follow.