Solidarity - LGBT and Frat Boys

Updated: Jun 5, 2019

In show of solidarity with campus LGBT community, frat boys unveil outdoor, communal, gender-neutral shower facility

Select Slutwalk participants report receiving engraved invitations to participate in ribbon cutting ceremony, excited to attend

by Lenny Trot

Reports are in: arousal levels are rising steadily, but that hasn’t put a damper on this olive branch between one frat house and the LGBT community here on campus. Kappa Epsilon Gamma has rallied together to unite their patriarchal society with the LGBT community by unveiling a new, outdoor, gender-neutral shower facility.

Some lucky women from the annual Slutwalk report receiving special engraved invitations to participate in the ribbon cutting ceremony and are honored to attend. Liberal arts major Rebecca said that the invitations, “… represent all that we stand for. It’s a physical reminder that we are more than just our bodies, and we are excited to free the nipple at these showers to, like, prove that objectification is wrong.”

But, it isn’t all sunshine and hoses for the Slutwalkers and showers. Anti-vac protesters are already planning to picket the installation. They claim that cleaning the human body with soaps compromises the immune system and leads to diphtheria. Members of a rival fraternity, the Beta-Beta-Meta society, are also voicing their concerns: citing the showers will give chiseled muscular quarterbacks an unfair advantage with members of either sex. Members of B.B.M. say they have never had sex so they can't be sure if sex is even real, and thus, it cannot be used to identify individuals.

Members of the LGBT community are split between support for B.B.M, but just as friends, while others think the showers will help LGBT people integrate within the traditional structure of college life. We interviewed proclaimed “pronoun-nonspecific lesbian” Sally who suggested adding a tip-jar to crowd-fund guest appearances of high-profile slut walk participants at the showers, “After all nothing says respect like some crisp Ben Franklins; although, let’s be real like, I would be happy with some change to pay for Starbucks.”